Right Choice?

Just finished dinner cum catch up session with some ex colleagues from BAT.

The dinner went well and it was fun too.

For many year, each time i passed by the Roftman round-a-bout in SS2, i would have hoped and wished so much to be able to get a job there. It is like THE job for me for many years and the job was so difficult to even get an interview. I tried submitted my resumes the moment i graduated but no news, until a couple of years later when i finally got the chance.

The interview process was a painful one. From online test to face to face interview, telephone interviews and negotiating salary to finally signing on the offer letter. It was like a dream come true and i was really proud of myself. It was like achieving one of my goals.

The salary was good. The benefits were good and the people were great. Though at times we have to worked until wee hours into the night and start fighting with proposals, presentations, meetings, more meetings and tones of emails very early the next morning, it was fun. Well now that i think of it. Its fun because almost everyone in the team will have to stay together more than 18 hours a day to fight for the good result we wanted. We basically had every meal together sometimes for days. And also there were times when we do not even have time to grab a bite until way after the eating time. And there were times when the meetings were so long that everyone's brain was stuck. Of course there were times when we need to do fire fighting due to sudden change of company's goal or regulations set by the ministry of health.

And all these happened in the mere time frame of 5 months i was there. So much we have gone through.

I remembered complaining how difficult life was and how i did not want to work anymore. But secretly, each time i managed to settle an issue or seeing my campaign kicked off in the market, i was very pleased and proud of myself. For all my hard work and determinations.

Tonight i saw my ex colleagues came in tired faces and they told me funny stories of what had happened and are happening. It was fun.

I love my life now. I did not regret what i have chose. Just that i cant stop myself from thinking the "what if" i have stayed scenarios. Would i be promoted? Would i be bitching as well? Of cos i will.....

Well, it was a dream i made to come true and a goal achieved that i am still very proud of nonetheless. Way to go Cynthia!

Monster-In-Law

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Whao! Too near!

Judgement

How often do we judge others? How often these judgements are correct? And how often your likeness towards someone subsided as a result of your judgements?

Like many, I judge others but am very afraid to be judged by others. Am still a simple mortal who is worried of how others see me. And because of this over sensitive part of me, I am one of those foolish mortals who can't breakfree and live as free as I should and could.

I told a close friends on mine a story that I wanted to forget. And i chose to tell her simply because I knew she will judge me the least. And she didn't judge me at all. Yet she listened to me with all ears and only advised and consoled me as and when needed. She didn't say much but yet she helped so much.

All i needed was a listener. And I finally found one.

She made me realized that the path of seeking for an answer is now over, because the answer is clear like crystal. Haha... Sigh... We always need a third eye to clear the vision for us...

The Source of Evil

The weather has been so hot lately that i am having short headaches almost everyday. It usually happens in the middle of the afternoon when the sun is up in the sky, shinning to its brightest state ever.

Adding to that is the gastric problem that came haunting me since yesterday. For some unknown reason, it decided to lingers till now. Even after popping the medicines which was supposed to be very effective, it didint help much this time.

And they say the best remedy to cure an illness is to look for the source of evil. Now let me think what i did yesterday to awake this monster.

Oh ya i decided to go ahead and followed my heart in the quest of finding out the truth of something. The action of seeking has been debating within myself for quite some time and finally i found the courage to do it yesterday. They said you are opt for sadness when your hopes are high. On the contrary, my hope was not high. I sort of knew the answer but i just need to prove it. And then there was no answer, which was a clear answer in this case. And the stone which was sitting itself heavily on my heart got lifted off.

And now i can be free of guilt to totally dismiss those memories in me. For i knew i did my best to sustain something. It takes two to tango and if one quits, the other party will have no choice but to follow suite.

Is this the source of the evil??

She Says, She Says..

I woke up today only to be bombarded by a lot of she says and she says.

As i was listening to both ends complaining and grumbling about each others, i thought i was going to have a blank out. After a while words do not mean anything anymore. There were only mere noises.

So i have to bear listening to 2 different versions. Of course i am not blind or deaf. Of course somehow i knew how much are facts and how much are fabrications, results from adding their own imaginations, tones and manners.

But what do i do? Do i retaliate and burst in anger? Do i just keep quiet and let their behaviors escalate to worst? What goods will my reactions bring me if i retaliate or just keep numb?

This is tricky. I feel like a politician at this moment. I feel like i am playing a strategy game. But at least politicians have consultants surrounding them all the time telling them what to do. And strategy games too have walkthrough posted in the internet where you can google and just follow exactly. Who and what do i have? There is no one who can help me now except myself. This is frustrating.

All i know is, i want to be an ostrich now and stick my bloody head into the sand and pretend that nothing happened. Well at least with my ears in the sand i could have the luxury of silence. So i have myself a plan now. I will be an ostrich for as long as i could until my fleeing plan is neared. Then i will be able to leave this potential political massacre and self destructive situation, that is until i come back again. Of course i have to pray hard that i could hold my calmness and patience until then too.

I didnt sign up for this shit, did i?

Old

My friend asked me this " So how do you feel after your big day?"

And without any hesitation, i answered "Old", and that is exactly how i feel.

Not physically old but mentally. Whether you like it or not, friends will automatically labeled and categoried you into a different group. A group that is supposed to be older and less fun. Suddenly i am now not the out going type of person anymore. Suddenly i am those who are seen to be preferred to stay home and do nothing.

Why is that so? And have i also done so to all my other friends too? And this gets me started thinking.

For now, i still feel old.

I Need A Goal

After the passing of the eventful February, life is back to its normal, slow pace again. And after all the laughters and noisiness brought back by my brother and KC, the house is back to its quietness the moment they were gone.

And i ask myself, now what?

There is pretty nothing much for me to do or look forward to. Gosh, this scares me! And i really need a goal in my life or i will be living an empty one.

I planned to take up open water diving course but then the plan is not on a halt waiting for the confirmation of my return date to Algeria.

Or maybe i should look for a job again? Well perhaps i should!


Anyway the new Final Fantasy game was out last week and i went to buy a copy. I didnt play it of course. It it for my brother to play it while i sit comfortably in the coach and watch. And this is the only exciting thing i have in my daily life now.

But i guess too much of it is bad for me because i was "playing" 3 games together yesterday, but only in my dreams. So i woke up feeling really tired today and overwhelmed by games...

The Death of A Relationship

She called me and cried over the phone.

He has finally gotten married and her heart aches like a million knives piercing through. There is nothing else she can do.

Yet she is still missing him. Yet she is still wondering why have they came to where they are today. What had went wrong? His marriage has just spelled death for their relationship, or once the relationship.

They hardly contact each others now and she has to get the news from a friend. How cruel he is to her, she said. But that is the reality of life, i told her. There is nothing else you can do now. He no longer is in love with you and he doesn't even treat you as a friend. You have to let it do. I continued.

It is hard. She said. I have no control over my heart and how i feel.

Time will heal you my dear. Just let time do its healing. Just be patience...

1.2.3 Let the war begins

Well i have heard of these evil stories times and again. Never thought that will happen to me but it just did.

I guess i will just take in whatever that will be coming to me but i do have my last straw and it almost hit it this evening.

Patience. Calm down. I told myself.

It is only the starting. The end is still a long way more to go.

But then again, i hope you will not cross that line that i have drew for you. If not, i promised you that it will be the worst war you ever had.

Ok let's remind myself again. Patience.. patience... patience....calm down...calm down...calm down...