Addiction

I am a coffee addict! The first taste of coffee was when i was aged 13 and it was from the half cup of coffee left by my father in the morning. The only reason why i wanted to have a sip of the coffee is because i wanted to be like my father. The first sip was horrible. It was bitter and i cant find the reason for my father's liking. But i continued forcing myself to accept coffee, because i wanted to be just like him so desperately. Eventually i grew to like coffee and then i love coffee (the bitterness and the aroma) and before i realised, i am now a coffee addict. Just like a drug addict, i must have my cup of coffee first thing in the morning, before anything else. The day that i didnt have my dose of coffee, it feels like i am never fully awake. My actions are slow, i will be grumpy, and the day feels really bad, and constantly i will be thinking of coffee. In the event that i do not get it, my mood is harsh and really bad and if worst of all i really didnt get my coffee for the day, the day would seems incomplete, and the craving for coffee is even higher the next day. When i started taking up my MBA, i learnt from taking black coffee with sugar to just black coffee. Reason is because i hated class so much and loves sleeping. So each time when i got into the classroom, i would have to make myself a really thick cup of coffee to keep me awake. And it is not just any ordinary coffee, it is 2 spoonful of coffee powder. Initially it really kept me awake but then i got accustomed to it and it makes little difference to me if the coffee is very thick. I turned from being really concentrated in the class when it first start, to drawing cartoons on my note pad, or surfing using my phone.

That's one part of my coffee addiction. I have another coffee addition as well, and this is her.

She was given to me by my colleague in my first job. I still remember the date was 31st August, 2003. When i went to his house to pick her up, she was the only grayish dog among a pool of white and golden shitzus and schnauzers. She was like the black sheep there. When i picked her up from the cage, she was frighten and fragile. When i brought her back, the first couple of weeks i thought she was dumb because she never uttered a single sound, no whining nor barking. And when she ate, she literally swallow food, as if competition was stiff. That must be from her experience as a puppy to have to fight for milk from the mother. Since she has a mixture of white, gray and black fur, i named her Cofi. Over the years, she becomes my companion and my life and she is always there during my hardest times, when my heart was broken, when i used to stay alone... she will be the one who will greet me morning with a lick on my face, waiting patiently for me to get home from work, barks when i am near the door, let me hug her when i cried........Of course sometimes i think Cofi doesnt like me too. It is when times like i play nasty jokes on her and she will gives me the "she must be crazy to threat me so" look..

When i threaten to give her away and put her in a basket during CNY...

When i forcefully put a clip on her hair to make her look more girly...

When i sticked a McDonald's sticker on her to dress her up....

Or when i put on a cap for her knowing well that she doesnt like it...

Cofi sleeps with me on the bed as well. Each night, when she senses that it is time for bed (that is when i put on her "pajamas"), she will quickly hops and jumps onto the bed, scratches the bed a little to find a comfy spot, and tuck in to bed. She will always be the first one to sleep. And when it is time to wake up, especially during a weekday when i have to get up and prepare for work, she will still be sleeping under the blanket and she will be the last one to get up, only running downstair with me and wait for her treat. And sometimes when i twisted and turned a lot trying to sleep, i will have awaken her. Then she will wake up, give out a lot sigh, walked away from me, and balled up again at the corner of the bed. It was like she was complaining. When she feels loving, she will have her head on my shoulder and sleeps, or have her body attached to mine so closely that i dare not move a single muscle. There were times when she upsets me too, or more of stirring up the jealousy in me. It is when times that has way passed bed time and i would need to shout for her name to come but she didnt. Those were the times when she was waiting for someone by the door, or when she rather be with my brother's friend (a guy) rather than be with me. I would be so jealous that i threaten to close the door and i did and swore that she would have to sleep alone in the living room, only to walk down and carry her up in my arms and tucked her in bed. How could i ever be angry at her?

Cofi meant the world to me. Few more years down the road she will leave me when she aged. Due to her vagina prolapsed a year ago, she underwent an operation that has forbids her from having any baby Cofis. There will never be another Cofi in the world because of this and that sadden me. It has been approximately 70 days since i left her. There is not one day that i do not miss her. I miss her warmth in bed with me, i miss her naughtiness, i miss her laziness, i miss feeding and bathing her, i just miss her a lot. I have never been able to find another dog that resembles her physically. Let's hope i can find one, not to replace her, or to remind me of her, but just to fill up the emptiness in me when she is gone. For now, all i want to do is to fly back to her and bring her back with me the next round to Oran.